Stages of Grief

There are some misconceptions about the stages of grief. Some people believe that there is a particular order to the stages, while others believe the stages have an expected time frame. However, the actual reality is that the stages are non-linear, which means that many people may experience each stage in a different order. In addition, there is no set time frame for how long each stage can appear for an individual and no set time frame for when the stages come to a complete stop. Lastly, for some, the stages never fully retire; in which some may experience ebbs and flows of certain stages long term. How one experiences the stages of grief relies entirely on the individual, and no one case is the same. It's important to also recognize that grief can surface in many different ways aside from a loved one passing away. Greif can be seen when we end relationships or go through a major life change or transition. Any one of these experiences can trigger grief as we can mourn the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship (romantic, friendship, or familial), a major life crisis (natural disasters, leaving your home for refuge, illness, etc.),  or an end of a moment in our life (moving away, transitioning to parenthood, etc.). Although the stages of grief are not exact, being able to label and identify what we may be experiencing can help aid in the healing process. 

Stage 1: Denial

When we experience any type of grief, the moment and feelings can be extremely overwhelming. So much so, that our brains can have a difficult time wrapping our minds around the concept. We may fall into a denial mindset, in which we may choose not to believe that we lost someone or something. This may look like moving on with your day-to-day tasks without processing underlying emotional needs. Or simply refusing to acknowledge the loss of someone/something. The signs of moving out of the denial stage may include more willingness to acknowledge the grief or loss you may be experiencing. 

Stage 2: Anger

Anger can be seen as a coping mechanism, in which we may utilize it as a mask. This can look like more frequent anger outbursts or consistent feelings of irritability or resentment. Oftentimes, it can also manifest by looking to blame someone or something for the grief you are experiencing. Any time we hold our feelings in (the denial stage) we tend to experience a rush of emotions (sometimes uncontrollable) afterward, such as anger. Some signs of moving out of the anger stage are experiencing less anger, irritability, and resentment, and possibly allowing other feelings to come out, such as sadness and heartache. 

Stage 3: Bargaining

When we feel somewhat out of control with the events in our lives or the feelings we experience, we tend to try and look to gain control in any other way we can. This may look like trying to regain the life you had before the event took place or falling into “what if” and “if only” thinking patterns to try and avoid experiencing this in the future. It is also common for some individuals to try and “make a deal” with someone they believe to be in power; this may be a doctor, political authority figure, or spiritual higher power. Some signs of moving out of the bargaining stage may look like less bargaining thinking patterns, and acknowledging the loss more regularly. 

Stage 4: Depression

The Depression stage can appear very different in each individual. Some people may experience intense sadness that may impact their ability to function daily and care for themselves. While some may experience a “numb” or dissociative sensation, and have a difficult time experiencing any emotion. As mentioned earlier, after experiencing the anger stage, it's common that we begin to allow other feelings such as sadness to settle in. It is very important to try and reflect on how your “depressive” stage may look like; this is significant because if one tends to experience a “numb” or dissociative depressive state, it can be more challenging to move forward. When this happens, the mind decides to cope with the experience by “turning off” the emotions related to the grief. This can cause a prolonged grieving process because the mind has decided to “turn off” the ability to reflect and/or experience emotions, which is a vital step in moving forward and overcoming challenging times in general, including grief. The signs of overcoming the depressive stage may be experiencing less sadness or “numbness” and beginning to experience more thoughts of acceptance. 

Stage 5: Acceptance

The acceptance stage does not necessarily mean feelings of joy and happiness take over, nor does it mean the grief has 100% subsided. However, it can be a sign of learning to live with the loss or transition of what may have triggered the grief. This stage highlights when an individual comes to accept and understand the events that took place. In many cases, this may look like accepting that they do not have control over what took place to cause the grief, and learning to be content with this feeling; In addition to accepting your life without a loved one, or life in a new direction. One of the signs of moving past acceptance and the heart of grief is recognizing that these stages appear less and less over time. 

It's vital to understand that grief will appear differently in each person. If for any reason, you are struggling with grief or any stages that come with grief, please seek out support from family, loved ones, and/or a professional mental healthcare provider. Greif is challenging, and you don’t need to go through it alone.